Sagarika and her husband have a five year old daughter and Sagarika is expecting her second baby. They are concerned that their daughter may be jealous of the new baby. How should they handle the situation to minimize sibling rivalry?

Telling your child about the new baby

There are no real rules about how you break the news to your child about the new baby. If your first child is still very young, he or she might not quite understand the concept of waiting for a few months till the baby arrives. You might wake up every day to be bombarded by the same question, “Has the baby come yet?”!  

How your child handles the news also depends on the age of the child and the size of the extended family. If the child has been the centre of attention in a small nuclear family, he may find it hard to give up his place. Sibling jealousy and rivalry is a fact of life. By preparing your child, you may be able to lessen it even if you cannot do away with it completely.

The age of the child

If your child is 2- 3 years old, he might tend to be more possessive of your affections and might find it hard to ‘share’ you. A 4-5 year old child might find it easier to share because he has already learnt to deal with other children in school. If the child is 6 or older, he might want to be informed about all that is happening and might be very interested in helping out with the new arrival. Regardless of the age, parents have to be realistic and need to know that each child will react differently to the arrival of a new baby.  

Involve your child during pregnancy

If your child is small but old enough to understand the concept of another baby, tell him around the third month of your pregnancy. Of course, if your child is older and understands your conversations, then tell him as early as possible so that he does not feel left out.  

Take your child with you to the antenatal checkups so that he can be involved in the process right from the beginning. Let your child help in picking stuff for the new arrival. Encourage your child to come up with names for his sibling.

Either directly or by suggestion, do not influence the child to say that he specifically wants a sister (or a brother). Encourage him to say that he wants a baby and it does not matter whether it is a boy or a girl. When you keep stressing that you want the baby to be of the opposite sex of your child, he might feel that you don’t appreciate him or that he was a disappointment. He will then resent the new baby.