Standing on the threshold of marriage, a couple might feel overwhelmed at the thought of traversing this hitherto uncharted territory. Having navigated and negotiated their way through a marriage, an older couple might look back with wonder at the years which have passed. What makes a good marriage? If a couple desires to have a great marriage, will it just happen? Is it a matter of luck, a matter of timing or a confluence of love, determination and commitment?

Perceptions and notions about relationships are changing, at least in urban India. With the rapid MTVisation of the world, many young couples enter a relationship with the feeling that they can renege on the commitment, when they wish.  A marriage is a deep affirmation of a longstanding human tradition. The art of marriage has to be learned and, like parenthood, comes with no instructions!

The expectations of a marriage

We all have certain expectations of a marriage. We want companionship, a friend who will stand by us in the face of the world, a true and trusted partner to navigate the convoluted paths of life together. We want a person who believes in us. We want someone who can laugh with us and not at us. We want the romantic hero of novels and films: a person who will make our heart race. We want someone who we don’t have to pretend with. We want a partner who sees us as unique and irreplaceable. We want someone not just to share a life with but to build a life with. It is true that people change, but if people can change together then they need not grow apart.  

The dynamics of a modern marriage

Tradition, religion, parental and societal forces have been the conventional adhesives keeping a marriage together. In today’s society, several forces tend to pull the fabric of a marriage apart, leading to the unraveling of the relationship. Couples work long hours, travel extensively, and juggle careers with family. The concept of a commuter marriage, where each partner spends time away from the other, is becoming commoner. Women are out there in the workforce, in greater numbers than ever. Marriages are battered by the demands of her workplace as well as his. Women are more and more unwilling to compromise on their career in favour of his.  

We two against the world

In successful marriages, the partners must form a single unit. Whatever the differences of opinion between each other, when it comes to the rest of the world, it is important to present a united front. Happy and fulfilled couples will reiterate that they depend on each other exclusively, when it comes to the important things in life. The trust which comes from knowing that the other will not let you down and will always stand by you, is irreplaceable and priceless.