Sathyavathi is raging. Her son just brought home his report card and has not done well in maths. She knows she is frightening her son but she is unable to control herself. A few days ago she had started shouting furiously at her husband because he had come home late from the office and had not called to warn her. Sathyavathi knows that her family and friends are worried and upset because of her inability to control her anger. What must she do?

What is anger?

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control leading to rage and fury, it turns destructive. It can lead to problems at work, in personal relationships, and in the overall quality of life. Like all intense emotions, anger affects us physically and mentally. The heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of the ‘fight-or-flight’ hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. Constant release of these hormones can lead to hypertension, stress ulcers and heart problems. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. Day to day events can trigger anger. Brooding about traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

Dealing with anger

Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats. It allows us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. On the other hand, cultural and social norms place limits on how far we can go with our angry reactions. If we realize that we cannot always get rid of or change events or people who anger us, we can learn to control our enraged responses.

Expressing angry feelings in an assertive but not an aggressive manner is the healthiest way to express anger. By learning how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others, requires respect for yourself and others.

Suppressing anger is another way of dealing with anger. Focusing on something positive and doing something constructive helps to defuse anger. Make sure that you do not let this anger fester inside without outward expression. That might just lead to depression and hypertension. Unfortunately some people suppress anger but then constantly put others down, criticize everything, and make cynical comments.

Calming down is a very positive and healthy way of dealing with anger. It is not enough to control the outward expression of anger but needs the control of the internal responses. Taking deep breaths helps lower the heart rate, achieve a degree of serenity, and let the feelings subside.